barbara walters just said penis...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
