just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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