I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
