Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
