Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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