dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have aggressive nipples.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
