Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
