bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
