Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
