I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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