We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There are leaves in my underwear?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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