do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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