i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
