i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
