Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
