another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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