evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
