Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
