people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
