he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize