I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize