you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
