She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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