Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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