U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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