Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
