I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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