Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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