does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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