I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
