You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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