I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My life is pants optional.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize