The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
