i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
