I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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