I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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