i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
