morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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