just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
