I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize