I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
