Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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