Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
