He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
