I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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