Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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