Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
