i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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