My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
