If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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