I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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