I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
