I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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