I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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