i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
